I have been thinking about writing, unfortunately my best ideas come when I am walking or driving in the car. And by the time I’m home, well, I just don’t feel like it.
Today, just now, I felt inspired to write after reading a post by Nadine from Sobriety Tree. She is now 8 months sober, amazing!! Nadine was the first person to follow me and I felt such hope, such inspiration at being able to help someone the way I had been helped by others.
It’s the night before Thanksgiving. In the past, this might have been a big drinking night. Lots of people home to see their families. And for sure, there would be lots of wine drinking on the day itself.
Instead, I am home writing. Soon, I will head out to my favorite yoga class. I have come to realize why yoga means so much to me. Yes, it makes me stronger and more flexible. It takes me out of my own head and helps me to be more mindful. But more than anything it’s the community that gets me on my mat. A short chat or just a smile. A feeling of belonging. Of peace.
Already today I have put in a half day of teaching, been to the grocery store, and taken a nap. After my yoga class, my husband, son and I will take a night walk. It’s relatively warm for New England today. I have a great book, two actually, so I know I will read later, take a hot bath and have tea. I will sleep sweetly and wake up feeling great, shame free.
Is it exciting? It’s a matter of perspective. What I mostly feel these days is contentment. Don’t get me wrong, I have bad days, we all do. But they are nothing compared to the bad days I had when I was drinking. I am calmer, less judgmental, harder to rile. Something Nadine said about not arguing anymore with her spouse anymore really hit home. I pretty much never argue with my husband anymore. Any big fight we have ever had was when I was drunk and combative. It was as though I wanted to prove that he didn’t love me enough. Now I see that I didn’t love me enough.
Tomorrow, I will wake early and take a blissful barre class. It will be just the three of us and my mom for Thanksgiving dinner. It will be a day of ease. I won’t have to worry about how much I am drinking or if I am saying anything hurtful. I can be myself. I don’t have to drink alcohol and I am so very grateful for that and for this life with my family.